ROX Ideas

Transcript for #16

 

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[Music]

J: So, welcome to J&B on the ROX. I'm J.

B: And I'm B, but let's just keep it on a first initial basis.

J: So, B has some little special aspect thing to his life that he wants to tell you about.

B: Yeah, this, as a matter of fact, this episode, we're going to kind of revolve around a certain new development in my own personal life.

J: So, this is basically giving us a chance to just talk about what we're doing in our lives.

B: To just talk, in other words, about ourselves and things which are of minimal interest to you, the home viewer.

J: Right.
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Voiceover by B: There is an observation that has been verified repeatedly. It is simply that at [redacted], people stay. But why do they stay? Rita [redacted] explains, “I love my job because of the fulfillment when I see a room full of people who I have hired.”
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J: So, we are going to, to this is a special orange night by the way, and we're going to start with an Orange Aid. That's A-I-D, and not in any way related to AIDS, which is an awful disease that some people have. You want to put in two ounces of vodka first of all. So actually, I think we want some, yeah, we want some ice.

B: Oops.

J: Hey, thanks. I appreciate your sympathy in saying “oops” for me. I'm gonna put four cubes of ice in each one of these. This, by the way, is a show which glorifies the responsible use of alcohol by teaching you to make a variety of mixed drinks. And one of the main purposes of this show is that you, the home viewer, are supposed to make the drinks along with us. So, really quickly, go get a glass, get some ice, and you're going to want to put two ounces of vodka in each glass, or if you're only having one, I mean, I would highly recommend having two, but, well, you want two ounces in each glass anyway.

B: Certainly we would advise you to invite a friend over. Share.

J: So two ounces of vodka. Then you're gonna add, now this is the special ingredient. This you may not have, but you can improvise by going to your local liquor store, and we wouldn't want to endorse any particular liquor store like Big Red, but anyway. Hey, you want some Grand Marnier. Now, this is a liqueur. It's 40% alcohol by volume. Um, it's triple dot dot dot dot dot dot dot orange. And it says triple orange here again. You know, it would have been nice if, since it says triple orange twice, they might as well have put put it a third time and thus got some kind of subtlety involved. But you know how those French are. Okay. So, we're gonna put an ounce of Grand Marnier in each one of these. I'm using a shot glass, by the way, to measure these because my judgment is kind of blurred this evening. Add some orange juice, four ounces of orange juice to be precise. I'd say that's about four ounces. And I'd say that's about four ounces as well. Now, the last thing you want to add is club soda. Now, we have Canada Dry club soda here, but I would like to emphasize that any kind of club soda will do you. Now, it says fill glass with club soda. I'm not really going to fill the glass, but I'm going to add some. Okay. And so, there we have an Orange Aid. And I'm going to get one of these little plastic stir sticks and use it for its proper purpose, to stir. And, I'm gonna sample this beverage. Orange Aid. I would pronounce that as distinctly potable.
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VO: Julie [redacted], administrative assistant, said, “I enjoy the people and the diversity of individuals.” Mae [redacted], left, was quoted as saying, “It was a fun and enjoyable atmosphere, allowed me to finish my education and join the management team.”
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B: You know the sign of a good drink is that the taste of the alcohol does not overwhelm in any way. And I say that this is genuinely a good drink because even though I know that there's a fair —

J: Three ounces.

B: three ounces of liquor in here —

J: Booze.

B: You can hardly taste any of it. Very pleasant to drink, and yet I'm already copping a mild buzz.

J: Do I look autistic?

B: [nervous laugh] So anyway, um, I wanted to now get to the kind of meat of the program here, which is namely this, me.

J: Bart the meat.

B: Yes, of late, I have been employed, I've made my livelihood for the past couple years as that most dreaded and feared of American occupations, namely, I've been a telemarketer. And —

J: He's the guy that calls you up at dinner time and says, “Would you like to buy something?”

B: Yeah, yeah, so you're familiar with me. And —

J: You indeed may have spoken in person to B.

B: Yeah, I've been working at a place that, many people in the viewing audience may be familiar with, right here in Bloomington, Indiana: [redacted] Marketing. And I say that many of you may be familiar with it because, lots of people come there and work for a week or so, find out that they can't hack it, and they quit. Now —

J: How long did you last there?

B: Two years.

J: Two years!

B: Yes. I was the most veteran sales rep. It's interesting because telemarketing is not physically a hard job. I mean, you just sit on your butt and you work your jaw, much as we do.

J: Yeah, we're slackers. Did we mention that?

B: Except that, of course, at [redacted], you're not allowed to drink while you do it.

J: I make about 150 a week, incidentally. And he used to make —

B: Yeah, we'll get to my weekly wage in a little bit here. I just wanted to explain that the little motifs, the little stuff that we've intercut here in the show, you've already seen one or two, and you'll see some more, are from the [redacted] Marketing publication, which is called The New Dial.

J: Now that I find truly fascinating. They have their own publication.

B: That's right.

J: Is it, I guess it's to make you feel like part of the family?

B: That's right, part of the dialing family, the telefamily, as it were.
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VO: Scott [redacted], assistant branch manager, said, “Compared to my friends, I feel I'm the luckiest one. I can go to work, have fun, and laugh.” And here, Telecenter Manager Ray [redacted] presents the five-year service award to Branch Office Assistant Pauline [redacted], who observed, “I like the job. I like the people, and that's why I stay.”
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B: So, in the two years that I've been employed at [redacted], I've gotten a number of different premiums, coffee cups, and pens, and things that say [redacted] Marketing on them, “team spirit,” “summer selling,” “summer fun,” little slogans like that, t-shirts and whatnot. And I wanted to share now a couple of the —

J: Show and tell.

B: Yeah, this is kind of the show and tell segment. I wanted to share a couple of the most treasured things that I've received in my two years of employment at [redacted]. It's a hotpad, as you can see. Now, it's seen better days. That's because it's been used and loved, okay? And you see what it says there?

J: Yeah, “Season's Greetings.” Now wait, why is that so brown? What have you been doing with it?

B: Well, you see, that's kind of funny. You know, for a while, I was using it as a hot pad, and then we ran out of toilet paper one weekend, and, well, this was sitting near the bathroom, and so —

J: Say no more.

B: Yeah, it found a new use. However, I just want to emphasize that it was, that I really appreciated this thing and used it well. And here's the other really treasured thing that I got from [redacted]. Also, uh, nicely colored, I think. It's an extremely well-made sweater.

J: Well, now, that is just red.

B: Yes, it's very red.

J: And, again, it says “DM”. There seems to be kind of a corporate theme there.

B: Can you see that there?

J: Yeah, more or less.

B: [redacted] Marketing. You see it says “[redacted]” underneath. It's a nice imprinted, monogrammed thing.

J: Yes.
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VO: It looked like summer outside, but the Cleveland book sales office went ahead and staged a great New Year's Eve party. Reps on each shift were treated to a tasty buffet in celebration of the arrival of the [redacted] fiscal year.
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B: But really, more than anything else, probably the most treasured thing after working at [redacted] for one year, I was given a one-year service pin. It was a nice little bronze thing that had a little, um, America with the letters “DM” in it.

J: Wow.

B: A little lapel pin as well.

J: Wow, that's nice. Where is it?

B: Um, not really sure. I've kind of lost track of it, you know, moving from one place to another.

J: I can't believe that. I mean, it meant so much to you.

B: Well, yeah. And I think that this would be an appropriate time then to drown my sorrows. First down this drink and then drown my sorrows.
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VO: A goals board in the Louisville office lets the sales reps know what their daily magazine quotas are. It works very well. Since they've been using it, they have hit their goals every week. Pictured here, David [redacted], Assistant Branch Manager, getting acquainted with Branch Office Assistant Sandra [redacted], whose sunny smile has graced this [redacted] office for five years.
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J: As our second drink, we mentioned before, this is an orange special. We're gonna have an Orange Whiskey. This drink incorporates two ounces of whiskey, first of all. Now, we have almost precisely four ounces left in this, in this decanter, this fine plastic decanter. See, I can squeeze it, and yet it doesn't break. So I'm going to pour half of it in each one. Yeah, that'll just about do it. And then again, we're going to use an ounce of Grand Marnier in each one. Because this fine French liqueur stuff thing —

B: Just so orange.

J: Yeah.

B: Triple.

J: Yeah. Smells like orange. Can you smell that?

B: Oh.

J: Yeah. So, we're going to, and then let's see, what else are we adding? We're adding a half an ounce of lemon juice, actually, just to kind of tempt your taste buds. Tempt your taste buds. Okay.

B: Tempt your taste, bud.

J: Then, let's see, we need, okay, the only other thing left to add is orange Slice. Now, this calls for orange Slice. We couldn't find a can of orange Slice, actually, and so we're going to use a real orange slice and act like we didn't know any better, right? Okay, so, we've got this orange which we bought at Kroger, although we wouldn't want to endorse any particular brand of supermarket, but notice that when we bought this orange, it had a J on it, and I find that highly appropriate because, after all, I'm J, and I'm the one who's going to cut it. So, this was earmarked, as it were, for me.

B: But show them the other interesting produce that we got.

J: Oh, actually, that is interesting. We also got this. Now, this is a vagina. But it's actually on a pomegranate. And —

B: You don't see that every day.

J: You don't see that every day. And —

B: Not even in Bloomington.

J: We'll talk about this pomegranate a little bit more later in the show, but for now, I'm going to slice open this orange. So, I'll just get out my trusty knife here.

B: Wow.

J: Oh, well, that's good. Yeah, we're up here in the attic, actually. I'm talking to you on my cordless phone, and I'm on, I'm on video, no less. And I was in the middle of making an Orange Whiskey, which incorporates two ounces of whiskey, one ounce of Grand Marnier, a half ounce of lemon juice, one teaspoon of superfine sugar, which is optional, and we're not gonna use it, and an orange slice, just for your information and edification. Well, we haven't made one yet here, actually. I, because you ask, I will go so far as to complete the drink, which all that is left is to add the orange slice to it, and then I will, I will tell you just how good it is. So, I'm gonna put this slice here on the edge of the glass, and then shake it up a little bit, and taste it. Ooh, wow. I would pronounce that as distinctly festive. Yes.
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VO: This photo comes to us from the Port Richey office. Their “hang loose” appearance is deceiving. It is the result of a dress-down promo. These [redacted]ns were having a good time and a very successful sales week.
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B: So, for two years, I worked there at [redacted] Marketing. Two years of my life given over to this activity of calling people up on the phone, and last week, I quit. And now I'm looking for another job.

J: So, how much are you making now?

B: Well, yeah, see, I guess I should point out the nice thing about telemarketing. The nicest thing about telemarketing was that —

J: This is a sliding scale of nicety.

B: Yeah, but at the top of this nicety scale, it paid well.

J: Really?

B: Yes.

J: How much did you make?

B: Well, anywhere from five to ten dollars an hour.

J: And how much per week?

B: Well, it'll be usually about a hundred dollars a week.

J: That was the key phrase that I was looking for.

B: About a hundred dollars a week, working, you know, 15 to 20 hours, and now, however, I am unemployed.

J: An unemployed drug addict.

B: And therefore making zero dollars a week.

J: Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. So, you're not making any money? How are you gonna pay the rent?

B: Well, I have put a little money aside for just such an occasion.

J: Okay.

B: You see, unlike most Americans, I have scrimped and saved and I don't actually have, as opposed to, you know, never mind, before I get on the sanctimonious trip. Let's thrill and enthrall you with this video clip.
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Xy: Hey, isn't that guy B from J&B on the ROX, down here on the corner? I — Hey, aren't you B from J&B on the ROX?

B: I'm out of work and I, I need some work.

Xy: Well, you know, I got a fence that needs painted, I'll give you nice warm meal.

B: See what it says here, it says “booze.”

Xy: Now listen, we'll work this out in a minute, but I don't think that's — Okay.

Rachel: Livin' on sponge cake.

Xy: Now I don't think booze is the right thing. Now, I will give you a nice, you know, hot meal.

B: Can't you read woman? I don't want no food. I want BOOZE, B-double-O-Z-E.

Xy: Well —

B: I'm willing to do almost anything, ma'am.
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B: So, um, as you can see, I'm desperate. But, as you can also see, I'm not a completely worthless human being. Please, please say that you can see that.

J: Even with that nice hairdo of yours.

B: Because I've been growing my hair out. What do you think? If you, if you know of, please, if you know of any job opportunities or employment opportunities or something that, you know, old B could make some money at, just let us know. Post Office Box 3241, Bloomington, Indiana 47402.

J: We would encourage you to write and and and and and tell him of any job opportunity that you hear of.

B: Yeah.

J: Because because I mean, usually he sits alone in his room all day, just sulking and and drowning his sorrows in booze. And so, you know, it's not like he can actually go out and search for a job himself. So we're depending on you, the home viewer, to provide him with a job.

B: Not true, not true. I am most assiduously seeking a job, and I am being very, very selective about what kind of employment opportunities I'm going to engage in. So, please, you know, don't write in telling me that they're hiring down at Hardee's, because I'm not interested in that kind of thing. I'm looking more for something where I can, if possible, set my own workload but certainly have a high amount of independence.

J: So, more like McDonald's then.

B: My partner J once again has transcended his own eloquence and and co-opted the... oh, wait a second, just a moment here while I clear myself from this verbal thicket in which I've become ensnared.

J: [Laughter]

B: You know, one thing I've noticed, one thing I've noticed lately is that I've — I don't want to say what I was just thought I was going to say. Okay, so just scratch that.

J: Okay.

B: Okay?

J: So, what are we doing now?

B: Now we're going to have another drink.

J: Oh, [expletive], we've been drinking a lot of booze in this show.

B: But nevertheless, we have a hardcore commitment —

J: Yes.

B: — to bringing you, the home viewer —

J: An educational program.

B: That's right. And what we are going to continue with that program, and your education and edification, by teaching you about yet another drink that you can make.

J: Orange.

B: An orange drink, to follow up on this Orange Whiskey, an excellent and extremely potable beverage, I might add.
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VO: At headquarters, the 35th anniversary of [redacted] Marketing Incorporated was observed with a sparkling celebration. A delightful luncheon was held followed by a service award ceremony. The vitality and enthusiastic participation in evidence on that occasion makes it easily understandable why this company has experienced phenomenal growth since its inception.
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J: So, this next drink that we're going to make is called a Bitter Orange. And I'm going to make it. This drink calls for, first of all, two ounces of gin. We've already had plenty of alcohol, so I'm gonna have some more, and we will transcend this level of intellectual achievement and, and be somewhere else.

B: I would like to emphasize at this pass, however, that we are using simulated —

J: — simulated alcohol. You know, I mean, look at me, I'm completely normal. Okay, so two ounces. That's pretty close. Oh dear, look, I just spilled alcohol on a library book. Oh dear.

B: Hush little darling.

J: Okay, now we want four ounces of orange juice. By the way, you need some ice in the glass first. I kind of left that out and it actually asks for plenty. I quote, “with plenty of ice.” Okay, so —

B: I'm just so glad you got that quote exactly right.

J: Yeah. There's four ounces. I almost missed the glass. Fancy that. So, and then a dash of bitters.

B: No more, no less.

J: Angostura aromatic bitters. This is salt-free stuff.

B: There's a lot of text on there, and Joe could read it forever.

J: Yeah, but I will spare you this one time. But we would not, incidentally, want to endorse any particular brand of bitters.

B: Although, if you can find another [expletive] brand of bitters, more power to you.

J: I actually added two dashes because I'm a rebel.

B: He's a radical leftist, and he can't be stopped.

J: Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna stir it with my trusty knife. And next, I'm going to chop off my penis. Ha ha ha. Boy —

B: Scared you there for a second, didn't I?

J: Golly, all you Christians out there. Wow, I would pronounce that as distinctly potable.
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VO: The training room walls of branch number 406 came to life with the likenesses of characters from products we sell for Newfield. The mouse above is from the “Just Ask” series. He was in good company with Zack's alligator on another wall.
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J: So this is a really fabulous drink.

B: Yeah, the third drink, I've noticed, is always the best.

J: Yeah, I would agree with you, most assiduously.

B: Unless unless —

Both: you have a a fourth drink.

J: Okay, so, so listen, the point here being that —

B: In the past —

J: I can't remember, it's a blur.

B: Most recently — you notice how he feigns drunkenness because —

J: Yeah, actually no, no, what I was gonna say is that one of our, several of our viewers have complained, actually, that recently the drinks that we've been making, that because we've been making them up —
we've been making them up —
making them up —
up —
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B: Oops. Sorry, if that edit was a little disturbing for you, but the battery on the camera ran out, and due to somebody's negligence, perhaps my own, we are now —

J: How did I happen to end up over here?

B: I think that that —

J: Here, I want my chair back.

B: Okay, who's doing continuity here? Okay, somebody's pay is going to be docked severely.

J: So, listen, the last few weeks, last seven weeks to be precise —

B: Yeah, we've generated a certain amount of controversy here in the Bloomington Community.
There's been this segment of our show called “Disturbed Monkey Love,” this video that a friend of a friend —

B: Somebody kind of anonymously sent in.

J: Yeah, one of those anonymous friend, friend, friend, friend-type people.

B: You've seen it though.

J: Yeah, you've seen it. “Disturbed Monkey Love.” Well, we've been showing it, and it has generated a great deal of controversy, especially last week's episode, which had some Christ imagery in it.

B: Exactly, exactly. And so, yeah, well, actually, there have been a lot of really vociferous comments, both one way and the other, a lot of really kind of fundamentalist Christian uptight types, I guess, were kind of offended by that, and some of the other things, the scatological humor and so forth.

J: Humor?

B: Whatever. But there were a lot of people who really felt that it was a creative endeavor and were really into it. So, we got responses from both ends, you know, people who liked it, people who didn't like it.

J: And so, for the edification of those who did like it, and for the consternation of those who didn't —

B: Précise.

J: We would like to present you with, now that we've gone through all seven segments of this, we're going to now present you with the final version of “Disturbed Monkey Love.”

B: The best of!

J: This is the best of “Disturbed Monkey Love.”

B: A retrospective if you will.
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[Music]

Damn it!

[Vomit]

[Unintelligible]

[Music]

Father, I'm coming!

[Laughter]

Laugh, real big!
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J: So, this week we have yet another special attribute to our, to our little, our dainty little program. Normally, we bring you a vocabulary word for your philosophical and educational edification. However, this week we have gone beyond ourselves. We have gone beyond any possible former constraints. We are bringing you not one, not two —

B: Not even three!

J: Not even three, not five, but four vocabulary words.

B: The first being “frowze.”

J: Frowze, now, you may be wondering, in your, in your stupidity —

B: Who are you, sir, to speak of stupidity at this juncture?

J: Frowze.

B: You're so, so “frowze” is probably a word that most viewers in the audience are not familiar with, namely because it's an obsolete archaic word which is no longer used in the English language but nevertheless a part of our heritage. “Frowze,” this, I would say, qualifies as a “frowze” because a “frowze” is a wig of frizzed hair, and what is this hair —

J: If not frizzed?

B: — if not frizzed. “Frizzed,” meaning to be formed into small little curls, that's vocabulary word number two: frizzed.

J: That's two.

B: Right.

J: Frowze, frizzed.

B: Now, but on this wig theme, we want to bring up the word “merkin.”

J: “Merkin.”

B: Now “merkin” is a vaginal wig, a wig which would be used in a context, well —

J: Pubic, a pubic wig.

B: Exactly. What you're seeing on your screen now, for example, would be an example of a “merkin” in use. This, for example, might work as a “merkin.”

J: Oh, my God, I thought that was your hair.

B: No, no, I've had a “merkin” on my head all night. So, so, what do you put your “merkin” on? That brings us to vocabulary word number four: quim.

J: Now, what does that mean?

B: Well, that's what you would put your “merkin” on, okay, which is, so, the mons veneris, the labia, the [bleep] lips, as it were.

J: Yeah.

B: Joe giggles here only out of pain.

J: Yeah, I'm glad that this show completely lacks subtlety.
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VO: The 35th anniversary celebration of [redacted] Marketing Incorporated was a sparkling event. All employees at headquarters received an invitation to lunch and a thank you from Chairman of the Board William [redacted] Sr. and Vice Chairman John [redacted].
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J: Go ahead.

B: Okay, well, first, to set this up, I want to equip you okay with a “quim.”

J: Okay.

B: Or rather, a “quim” substitute. Now, you saw this earlier in our show, and certainly, if this doesn't bear resemblance to a “quim” —

J: What else would?

B: Nothing. Nothing, yes, exactly. So, hold that there.

J: Okay, I am the bearer of the “quim.”

B: The “quim” bearer. And I am the “merkin” holder. And now, I will address you forthrightly.

J: Okay.

B: A “merkin” for your “quim,” my dear?
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VO: The cafeteria was colorfully decorated and set up for dining and for dancing. A disc jockey played lively tunes throughout the luncheon. The cafeteria staff produced a delicious meal, which was enjoyed indoors and on the patio. There was a hot dog wagon on the patio, complete with fixings.
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J: We are now going to present for you — we mentioned too that we're out of “Disturbed Monkey Love” segments.

B: That's right.

J: But that's okay because we're forging new territory now. We are moving on to yet another new weekly segment on our program.

B: Expanding the artistic and cultural horizons of the citizens of Bloomington once again —

J: And parameters.

B: — exactly, with our avant-garde program for cultural edification.

J: So, in that vein, we would like to to issue unto you segment one of J&B's Erotic Videos.

B: Yeah.
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P: 1st Corinthians 6:18. “Flee from sexual immorality, all other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” Proverbs 6:25. “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.” 1st Thessalonians 4:3-5. “It is God's will that you should be holy, that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God.” Romans 1:24. “Therefore, God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts, to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another.”
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J: So that will become a weekly segment for us. And if you are interested in —

B: — participating —

J: participating in an erotic video, if you have an idea —

B: — if you want to take your clothes off in front of a video camera —

J: — or even if you don't, but you want to do something that is so erotic that you don't even have to take off your clothes, Post Office Box 3241 that's where you need to — ow — Bloomington, Indiana 47402. That didn't feel good at all.

B: But I liked it.

J: You can write to us and let us know your ideas, and we will gladly —

B: — incorporate them —

J: — into our little program —

B: — programme “P-R-O-G-R-A-M-M-E.”
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[Music]

B: Hey, J, I was thinking maybe it's time for us to do our little viewer mail segment.

J: Oh, okay. Why don't we do that? Yeah, um, where is it? Where's the mail?

B: Oh, well, we keep it in the bran flakes box now, remember?

J: Oh, that's right. That's right. That's where our delivery person brings it to us in the bran flakes box because so that in case he gets mugged on the street, nobody would think to look for the viewer mail in the bran flakes box. Here we go, yellow sheet of paper. Huh. This one isn't littered with expletives. I think we can actually read this on the air.

J reads: J&B, I need some advice, comma, and since you guys are of infinite wisdom, I figured I'd ask you. The advice I need is what drink would be best if I'm risking failing out of school, I'm out of money, I've already used five commas in this letter, now six, and my girlfriend hates your show. Please help me. I need a drink really bad, and I just can't pick out the one to match the situation. I just have one constraint: the drink must be potable. Sincerely, Todd Halverson.

J: Now, it's obvious this guy's actually seen our show and isn't just writing to us randomly. Todd Halverson.

J reads: P.S. Your show rocks.

J: Wow, it actually says that. So, and this is, you will, you may note, this is not my handwriting, I promise.

B: This is a real fan letter.

J: Yeah, our first real fan letter. This means a lot. I think we'll frame it. Let's see, so he wants a drink that would be best if he's failing out of school, he's out of money, his girlfriend hates the show.

B: You know, I can understand where this guy's coming from.

J: Yeah, this sounds like our lives. Because our girlfriends — actually, I don't even have a girlfriend to hate the show. And I'm out of money.

B: And out of school.

J: Certainly out of school already. I think it's time to lay the big one on the line. I think it is time to make The Slacker. Well, The Slacker is my favorite drink. It is indeed, it is kind of the most appropriate drink, and kind of the drink that drives this show along. It is our mascot of sorts, and we're proud to offer, finally The Slacker for Todd Halverson, show him what —

B: What lies ahead.

J: What lies ahead. So, the first thing you need for a Slacker is a couple of Mason jars.

B: Todd, this goes out to you, I can only hope that you're making this drink, now.

J: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to get a Mason jar, first of all, because, you know, this signifies the fact that we're so impoverished that we can't even afford to buy our own glasses. And next, you'll want some ice. So the ice, of course, signifies the coldness of our world. You'll want at least three cubes in because, you know, life is triply as cold if you're a slacker in the Midwest. Next, you'll want to add an ounce of dark rum. Um, of course, you know, dark rum signifying the darkness of our lives.

B: Oh, that's very dark.

J: Yeah, that's a very dark rum. Next, you'll want to add an ounce of vodka. Vodka, of course, signifying the failure of communism, and its failure to connect with us in any meaningful way or even be like an aspect of our culture. Then you'll want to add some Coca-Cola, which, of course, signifies our helpless connection to Corporate America. You'll just add about three ounces of that into the old glass there, maybe four ounces. Let's say four ounces, except that's not four ounces, but we're making this a stiffy. Okay. And, the last thing you want to add is just a dash of bitters. Now, of course, you know, some of these other things required explanation, but, you know, the symbolism of bitters in this drink, you couldn't possibly miss. Okay, and then you'll want to shake it, symbolizing the kind of whirlwind uncontrollability of our lives, and then taste it. Todd, I think you have yourself one hell of a potable drink.

B: Well, cheers. Here's to Todd then.

J: Here's to Todd Halverson, our first fan.

B: And thanks for tuning in, Tuesday nights at 11. This is J&B on the ROX.

J: See you next week.

[Music]

B: And then they see me standing there with the sign that says “Will Work for Booze.” Yeah, so, you know, if they can't figure that out, okay, they probably don't know how to operate the remote control.

[Music]

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